I have trouble with keeping up with the thoughts in my head. I have so many ambitious projects and ideas, but time seems to be forever fighting my ideal life. There just isn’t enough time in the day or money in the bank for all the things I want to do. My baby (teeny tiny publishing company) is a little lost in the shadows, and I have some grand schemes in mind. I just don’t want to lose myself while I try to find the business end of it all. My creative mind has to meld with the reality of running a company, while at the same time being supermom, wife, and teacher. In the midst of all this, I cant let my writer’s spirit suffocate. And in case you’re wondering, this is really how I think and how I talk.
Waking up can be hard when you’re not the person you want to be. I try my best to stick to my goals, and understand that the small steps (which seem to drag forever) are crucial in the process of becoming a writer. This blog is for my own piece of mind.
I’m responsible for keeping everything on track financially, and frankly I don’t know if I’m doing a good job. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with keeping all the bill due dates on track. Math was never my strongest forte and it’s what you need to create a budget. I don’t disposable income to hire someone to help me out, and sometimes reading advice on how to do it better just makes me more neurotic. My power cannot be bleached from me, because then I might become the trembling mess of nerves I was at the beginning of this marriage, this life.
I need help. I can stay calm most of the time. I do yoga, breathe, focus on one point at a time, and occasionally drink some wine. In the long run, that doesn’t help as much as properly planning a financial future. I want to own my own house, I’m over 30 and I want a foundation. Will I ever be able to breathe just because I can, or will I forever breathe in order to calm myself?
Back to breathing, wonder if anyone is reading this…
So I’m focusing my life and grounding myself in the projects which are present. Being an editor is hard work, and I do not shy from hard work.
Sitting here at night with my daughter asleep next to me is relaxing. I make sure my electronics are plugged, as batteries die so quickly, and I launch into the adventure of blogging.
Social media can be a tool, but it can be exhausting. I am trying to keep up on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and Instagram. All of which are exclusively for Elusive Publishing (my new baby). Blogging is for my own peace of mind, and hopefully it will help me view my own writings with the same critical eye I view the works of those I’m editing.
Can I ask someone to edit alongside with me for free while we build Elusive’s future?
I’ve always thought that writing required a deeper understanding of the surface reality. Seeing possibilities in the most improbable opportunities, and trying to stay grounded in the meeting when my mind wants to add more drama to the blasé daily activities of whichever character is tripping in my mind.
I can’t imagine living without the daily chaos that is my life. I both love it and hate it, giving the ever fighting duality of my mixed emotions. The only thing I am sure on a day to day basis is that life has to continue down the sometimes rocky road of adventure.
How does anyone do it? How do you carve a niche (or more like a gaping hole) in your life to write? The dishes always need to be done, the laundry breeds when you blink, and three children under the age of 12 are like swirling dust devils that sprout a mess where it was once clean.
My world is a full world, but I also need to keep a hold of me. The writer in me needs to express thoughts in order not to drown in the voices, but I will take that ten times over the silence that sometimes suffocates. Words are my passion, and writing helps facilitate my addiction. And face it writers of the internet, writing is an addiction.